Eating Away at Innocence

Rayne Caltagarone

The ritual fire whirled around the base of the statue. Her Grace's hands outstretched to the crowd that gathered below her. Their robes painted the courtyard a sea of blood red. Shadows casted by the flames danced on Her face, Her eyes flickering across the faces below. Watching them. Judging them all. They rested in the palm of Her cold, marble hand.

One of the robed members slowly walked towards the flames. Under her hood, the mask of a bobcat gazed out to the fire before her. As she drew closer to the flames, they roared around the statue, growing at her presence. The voices from the others that circled around the bonfire grew louder in their harmonious chant. Faces masked by those of totem animals looked out into the center of the courtyard. Voices emerged, but the stoic glares of the beasts made the night still.

Among them all stood Cassian, his eyes gazing upon the ritual through the eyes of the crow. He listened to the others chant around him, but he did not join in unison. Instead, he allowed the mask to cover as he gazed at the crowd, his mouth motionless and uncaring of the chant he had done again and again. The others followed, bowing to the herd like the animals they wore over their faces. The thought of the others ached in his mind, knowing that he was doing the exact thing he criticized them for. Following orders as to not be looked down upon, especially by Her Grace, the statue of the goddess that looked over them all.

Her eyes bore into their souls, knowing every fault and dark thought that processed through their minds. They all hid behind compliance. But she knew everything, so what was the point of pretending for her? He remained loyal to Her Grace to keep his good standing with her, but she was all he followed. He felt a fool following the herd, but Juliette, who stood next to him with her focus entirely on the ritual, kept him grounded with the others. The light of the fire danced on the face of the lamb, the wooden carvings as soft as her gaze that peeked through the eyes. Cassian’s focus stilled on her, his breath resting in unison with hers.The chant from the community slowly died out, leaving them to rest in silence. The main doors to the manor into the courtyard opened. A man draped in a black robe stepped from the stairs onto the stone path that led to the center, where the fire continued to whirl. His hood cast a shadow over his mask, only the beak showing. In his hands, he gently steadied a goblet, red liquid swishing along the rim, but never spilling. With slow and calibrated steps, the black figure approached the girl.

“My children,” The Ritual Master spoke. His deep voice rumbled on the wind, carrying through them all. “Today, we come together to commemorate the dawn of a life. On the eighteenth name day of your sister, Our Grace will lay Her eyes upon her soul, see the light and the dark, to judge her role in this sacred community.”

He neared the girl as she turned to face him. Slowly, she removed her mask, her face vulnerable to the eyes of the rest of the community. As she did, a hum arose from the others.

The Ritual Master raised the goblet out to her, and he spoke over the humming, “Drink the blood belonging to your totem animal. Allow its soul to intertwine with your own. Consume the blood and let it replace your own.”

She received the cup in her hands. In the flame of the fire, Cassian could see the small twitches of nerves in her fingers. She tilted it to her lips, allowing herself to swallow the blood, her face tensing at the taste. When she finished consuming the blood of the bobcat, the flame of the fire had grown further, nearly leaning in for a kiss. The Ritual Master took her arm, allowing the goblet to fall to the ground at her fright from his sudden movement.

He held her arm to the flame, letting it have a taste of her skin. As soon as the heat caused her to yelp, the fire swallowed itself. The courtyard was brought into darkness; the only thing lighting the night was warm candlelight in the windows of the manor. Silence overcame the crowd.

The stars in the sky had ceased their orbit. The girl’s frightful gaze met The Ritual Master.

“Our Grace has spoken,” his voice froze over the world. “Your sister is a damned soul.” Hushed gasps fell over the crowd. She whimpered out begs and pleas, her voice small and shaky. Two other members wrapped their arms under hers, containing her despite her not having the strength to fight back.

“Send her to the Border of Feathers,” The Ritual Master spoke to the men. The two men dragged her away, her small sobs disappearing into the night beyond the courtyard.

Cassian let out a small sigh that flowed through his mask. He looked towards Juliette. No longer did the fire light up her mask. Now she stood in the dark, the shadow of her hood covering the eyes of the lamb.

“Isn’t it unfortunate?” she softly asked. When she spoke, Cassian’s heart leapt. Her voice was sweet to his ears, easing any tense nerve in his body. He could listen to that sound for all of eternity.

“She was weak hearted,” Cassian replied. “Our Grace does not approve of a cowards like her.”

“You are so cruel, Cassian.” Her voice was a hiss, but not of anger. “I was schooled alongside her. She was a sweet girl.”

“Sweetness can only take you so far in this world. Will being sweet help you survive in the face of danger?” He gazed at the other community members. They all hid behind their masks. Survival was preached, and those incapable of it were damned, but majority

of the members never face danger to make a fair judgment of their instincts. Cassian knew that years of protection under Her Grace weakened the strength of the community, in turn, weakening her judgment. If danger were to strike, most were likely to die like cowards.Over her shoulder, a figure lingered in the darkness by the courtyard entrance. The Ritual Master stood still, staring at him in the shadow. Under this mask, Cassian’s smile fell and his brows tensed.

“Apologies, I must follow,” Cassian said.

She glanced behind her and gave him a nod. “Go on. Meet me inside later, okay?”

He only nodded as he walked past her to The Ritual Master. He stared at him the whole way. When he approached, The Ritual Master was silent for a moment. Though Cassian couldn’t see The Ritual Master’s face past the hood and his mask, he could feel the judgment burning through him.

“Have you not promised to me you would not speak to her so frequently?” he asked in a deep hush.

“I have, Father. I apologize.”

“You promised this years ago, yet you continue to break it.” The Ritual Master stepped closer and spoke in a whisper. “Stop wasting your time, my son. Remain loyal to your duties.”

The beaks from their crow masks nearly collided. After a small moment of silence, The Ritual Master backed away and beckoned Cassian to follow along. He followed, both of them swallowed into the complete darkness of night. Their walk down the path was full of silence with only the sound of their shoes over gravel filling the tension between them. The silence made Cassian’s thoughts eager to arise.

“Do you love the girl?” Cassian remembered The Ritual Master asking him when he was younger.

Cassian was in the middle of his ritual studies, just beginning to work under The Ritual Master. His master must have noticed the way the two children spoke together during recess times. Though Cassian attempted to deflect the question, The Ritual Master had a way of reaching deep into someone’s soul, making their voice uncontrollably utter their real thoughts. Many members thought it was magic. Cassian knew the master was adept at playing with the mind. By being in his constant presence, Cassian was frequently subjected to mind tricks. It didn’t take long for the young Cassian to spill the truth: that he adored the girl, given that the two of them were soul-bonded, a rare occurrence, especially with children not of the same mother. Their heart beats began at the same time and were thought to beat together forever. At his first breath, he was with Juliette. He knew that their souls were special together, and every moment with her was like he was reborn again.

“I do,” he distinctly remembered saying out loud to his master. The embarrassment of that conversation lingered even as his soul ripened with age.

The Ritual Master’s gaze was cold against Cassian’s. His eyes glazed over in thought, almost with worry. “Don’t invest in your heart. It’ll only turn into weakness.”

Weakness. It was always what The Ritual Master was on about with Cassian. If Cassian was to wear the totem of the crow, weakness would get in his way. Crows symbolized the protectors of the community. They were the most devoted followers to Her Grace. When a totem animal is given to a member, it represents who they were and will become. Wearing the mask of the crow represents protection and survival. Cassian was not to face weakness, and love was poison to a delicate heart. Cassian was brought back into reality when he heard the sobs of the girl. She was still held by the two members. The Ritual Master walked ahead of Cassian now, approaching the treeline border. He outstretched his hands to the branches above. The rustling of movement in the tops stirred, and caws of crows called down to the Ritual Master. A wall of onyx feathers shielded them from the forest.

“This plagued soul will enter the realm of the damned. Here, she must succumb to the darkness of her soul,” he called out to the crows above. “May the blood that spills beyond the border never stain us with its impurity.” He looked down at the quivering girl. Her head was bowed low with no strength to face her fate. “Protection does not guard your soul beyond this border, my child. Become one of the damned or die at their lust for your blood.”

He reached under his robe and pulled out a dagger, the sharp end glimmering under the moonlight. One of the other members forced her palm out to him. The point of the blade sunk through her flesh. Before her blood could spill to the grass, the two men shoved her through the weeds. She fell with a thud, and the shrubs around her cried at her sudden movements.

With a hysterical cry, she tried to return. The treetops filled with the shrieking laughter of crows. Before she could cross, one darted with its claws bared for her face. In a wailing fit, she tried to swat the bird away. In her attempt, she stumbled back into the dead foliage, unable to cross the invisible line drawn by the crows. Within the forest, a screech rattled through the leaves, echoing in the cool night air. The smell of her blood traveled fast on the small breeze, carrying deep through the thickness of the woods.

The Ritual Master glanced over his shoulder to Cassian. “Is it not interesting to see how one acts in their final moments?” His deep voice carried to Cassian. “Most run into the night,” he continued, “never to be seen. They either die, or go insane from the need to survive, coming back as the next predator. Some freeze, allowing us to watch the mutilation unfold.”

The coldness in his voice affected the other two members, who had not spent the time with the Ritual Master to become accustomed to the darkness that stained his heart. After spending so many years under his wing, Cassian grew used to his ominous speeches.

The girl quivered in the weeds. A small laugh escaped the Ritual Master’s masked beak.

“Maybe today we will get a show. How lucky are we?”

From within the brush, a rustling approached swiftly. White eyes glimmered from the darkness like ravaged animals. As soon as the creatures were in sight, their smell of rusted copper and decayed flesh wafted up the beak of Cassian’s mask. The stench made his eyes burn, and his face shriveled. A shrill scream echoed through the trees. Cassian was unable to identify if the scream came from the girl or the pale creatures that emerged from the darkness. Soon, the air was filled with a fresh scent of blood and flesh. Though not much could be seen in the shadows of the woods, they could hear the sound of teeth tearing into her skin. Their jaws chewed loudly against the fresh meat squelching in their mouths.

Cassian had only witnessed the mutilation of a damned soul one other time. Most tended to run, knowing that was the only way to survive. He knew that many were convinced that they could overcome the evil in the forests, but what was beyond the boundaries of the community was unexplainable. All he knew was no one ever made it out who they were; they either died or became one of the pale creatures of the damned.

When he first witnessed the murder of one of his fellow community siblings, he cowered away, not even daring to look. However, The Ritual Master had held him in place, even going as far as to remove his crow mask to ensure his eyes landed on the brutality before him. He had spent the rest of the season horrified of going near the forest line. Despite the trauma that had carved its way deep in his nerves, he was able to overcome it. Now, he stood watching it unfold without a flinch.

One of the damned creatures attempted to vault out to The Ritual Master. The other two members let out a horrid yelp. Before the creature could reach him, a wall of black feathers halted the advancement.

“Our mighty protectors,” The Ritual Master spoke to the screeching birds. “How you guard us so. Feast upon the show before as payment for your loyalty to Her Grace."

As I looked to the trees, I caught the gaze of one of the crows. It cocked its head at me before fluttering behind the other branches.

* * *

After a few days, everyone had forgotten the grief from the ritual nights before, as they always did. Growing up in the community, they were taught it was a natural selection of life.

Her Grace’s judgement was never to be questioned. She knew the ones that were unworthy to live within the confines of the community.

When Cassian was done with his duties for the day, he joined Juliette at the lake dock. All the fishers had finished their day of work, leaving the lake still for the two to have some quiet together. When he arrived, Juliette was already sitting on the dock’s edge. As she was away from the community's walls, she had removed her mask and let the face of the lamb rest beside her. Her soft blue eyes gazed out into the lake, the water still as night began to stir. Cassian joined by her side, looking upon the face that made his whole body ache. He removed the crow from his face, letting his features soften as he gazed upon her.

For a moment, the two sat in silence. Together, they stared into the lake. Juliette fidgeted with the ends of her robes, before speaking up.

“It still feels strange. Our eighteenth name day is near.”

“That it is,” Cassian replied, his eyes on her, though she looked away from him. “Our judgment day arrives.”

She was quiet for a moment. Her lips twitched slightly as a thought stirred in the back of her mind. “Do you think either of us will end up like her?” she asked. The death of their sister still lingered in the back of her mind. While others had forgotten the grief, Juliette had held onto it longer than she should have let herself.

“Why would you think that?” Cassian asked her, his eyes focused on her lips. He enjoyed watching the way they moved as she spoke.

“I still don’t see a reason why she was unworthy. I’ve known her since we were young, she was always kind.”

“Are you questioning Our Grace’s judgment?”

Juliette’s posture shot up, and he could see the slight color drain from her face. “No— of course not. I would never question Our Grace.”

Cassian didn’t quite catch the bullshitted answer she gave him, but he knew she took the community’s word more seriously than he did. He knew Juliette didn’t have the nerve to speak her mind.

“It just makes me wonder if I am unworthy. What if I’m a damned soul and I don’t know it?”

“Don’t be a fool, Juliette.”

“Don’t do this to me now, Cassian. I’m being serious.” She turned her body to face him more. His heart leapt when her knee accidentally grazed against his.

“You have nothing to worry about.”

“You have nothing to worry about. You work under The Ritual Master. You have been destined for greatness since our totem animal ritual.”

Cassian let out a sigh. “You need to let go of that, Juliette.”

Her brows tensed. “Let go? How can I let go knowing that you already have a place here in the community? You don’t need to be judged by Our Grace; we all know her answer. So what does that mean for me?”

Cassian didn’t give her an answer. Instead, he gave her a cold stare.

She froze in her skin. “The way you look at me— You’re just like him.”

“I’m nothing like him.” Cassian didn’t realize his words came out in a hiss. “I am not our father. You hear me? Don’t compare me to him.”

This was the first time he had felt the hate burn in his chest. He never wanted to give it the satisfaction of the title “hate”. But now that Juliette accused him of being just like the cold man, he could feel all that he suppressed stirring within him. He wanted to let it blister and burn even further. Feel it turn into a fire that he could release. However, he held back when he saw the fright in Juliette’s face. She had been looking at him as if he was a stranger. The girl that he had grown to love and adore did not recognize him. His expression of his emotion chipped away at the mask he had built for years. The one that he never even realized had been holding him in.

She suddenly stood from the dock, taking her mask with her. Cassian remained, his hanging feet nearly touching the water. He looked out to the water, thinking back on her words. The memory caused his lungs to heat with fire. His unfocused gaze fell upon a cluster of birds soaring in the sky over the lake. The caw of a murder of crows echoing through the land.

* * *

“You’ve been neglecting your duties, my son,” The Ritual Master spoke to Cassian.

Cassian did not look up from the pages of his book. “I know, Father,” he nearly whispered.

Silence filled the air between them. “Have you been around Juliette again?”

He despised the way The Ritual Master could read him so easily. “Yes,” he loathed to admit.

“Cassian, what have I told you about that girl? Your love for her makes you weak,” his master hissed.

“She is soul-bonded to me, it can’t be helped.”

“That can’t be helped, but you can. After your judgment ritual with her, I will disallow you from ever speaking to her again. She is a distraction from your duties as my pupil. You would be unfit to oversee this community with your obsessive love and emotions for a silly girl.”

It took every part of Cassian to not let the anger that coursed through his blood take control. Juliette was more than a silly girl. She was his girl. They were bonded at birth, and they would remain together for life. One of them would have to die before they parted. He wanted to prove to The Ritual Master that he could love Juliette and take his mantle, but the effort would have been worthless in the end. The Ritual Master was cold, and if Cassian was not cold like him, he was sure to fail.

Instead of erupting as he wished he could, he took a deep breath and gave his master a small nod. “I apologize, Father. I understand.”

“Good, now get to your duties. Remember, Her Grace is always watching over.”

* * *

When the air cooled and the sun finished its journey through the sky, Juliette sat on the edge of the lake's dock. She found stillness in being alone with her thoughts. The sun shimmered on the still lake, only disturbed by the occasional jumping fish that survived the daily fishing routine.

As Cassian crossed the wood dock, he tried to remain quiet, but the wailing of old boards gave him away. Her head quickly turned to face him, her eyes open with surprise. Slowly, she stood as he met her at the edge of the dock.

She was quiet. A sliver of what was left from the setting sun shined a golden light on her lightly freckled face, making her eyes glimmer at him.

“I’m sorry for yesterday,” she softly spoke.

“You’re okay,” Cassian gave her a small, sincere answer. “I came here to tell you something, before our ritual commences.”

“What is it, Cassian? You looked troubled.”

He had not realized how uneasy his nerves were to bring this news to her. “I am to not speak to you after tonight, by our Father’s order.”

“But— you’re my friend… we’re soul bonded!”

“He tells me you are a distraction to my work.” He was blunt to her.

She bit her lip so as not to blurt out anything she may regret in the future. “This can’t be for forever?”

“I hope not, but Our Grace is always watching.”

Juliette shook her head with a quiver in her lips. Without a thought, her arms wrapped around his body. He felt every sense in his nerves spike around him. It had been so long since she held him this close, not since they were children, before his feelings were quite as deep.

“You’ll still be my best friend, okay?”

“I understand.” He wrapped his arms around her as well, savoring the feeling of her body against his. He let out a rough sigh. The world seemed to still be in that moment. When he pulled away, he looked one last time in the glimmer of her eyes.

“I love you, Juliette.”

Then, with a hard shove, he pushed her down off the dock, into the water. She let out a small scream that was soon suffocated by gurgles. Before she could come up for air, Cassian jumped in after her. He took her flailing body and pushed her, keeping her under the surface of the water. Within the frantic ripples, he could see her warped face.

Her eyes, as blue as the water that submerged her, strained to look up at him. His heartbeat was in a frenzy. His blood stirred through his entire body.

He met her with a longing gaze. “I’m taking care of you,” he softly said. “I have plans, Juliette. And— I’d rather you die peacefully in my arms.”

After a few moments, her body weakened, going limp under his touch.

He held her down a few moments longer before letting her float. Her face rose from the lake water, her eyes wide and lips slightly parted. He leaned closer to her body, letting his lips linger over hers.

“My Juliette,” he whispered into her still breath. “My beauty. I saved you. I know you see that.” His lips brushed her cold skin. “I love you.” The warmth of his spit mixed with the cold water in her mouth.

“My Juliette,” he whispered between kisses.

* * *

Cassian slipped his robe over top of his soaked clothes. The others waited for him outside around the fire. He had no time to change and settled to hide it under the guise of the robes.

Before he stepped out of the manor halls to the courtyard, he was stopped by The Ritual Master. His hood had been pulled down, revealing his mask for the first time under the light of the manor. The coldness of his gaze stared at Cassian through the eyes of the bird.

“Have you seen Juliette?” he questioned.

Cassian simply shook his head. “I have not seen her since you told me not to speak with her again.”

His lip twitched as his gaze bore into Cassian’s. “The ritual must go on,” he coldly said, motioning for Cassian to leave.

Opening the door, Cassian stepped out into the courtyard. The fire danced around the standing statue of Her Grace. Each step Cassian took was slow and to the rhythm of the chant filling the air. He could hear all the voices echoing in his ears. It filled his bloodstream, beating into his heart, and filtering into his lungs, coursing into each breath he took. If Juliette were there with him, she would have been walking by his side. Their fingers would have gently grazed, and their hearts connected. Though hers had stopped, he could still feel their souls intertwined, becoming a surge.

He stopped at the base of the fire, waiting for the voice of The Ritual Master to halt the chanting and begin the ritual. The Ritual Master’s voice hushed the crowd, letting the silence give him space to begin. “My children. Today, we come together to commemorate the dawn of a life. On the eighteenth name day of your brother, Our Grace will lay Her eyes upon his soul, see the light and the dark, to judge his role in this sacred community.” His voice came closer, which was Cassian’s queue to turn to face him. Through the mask, The Ritual Master’s vision met Cassian, the master’s coldness trying to haunt him. “Drink the blood belonging to your totem animal. Allow its soul to intertwine with your own. Consume the blood and let it replace your own.”

He handed Cassian the goblet filled with the crimson liquid of the crow, shimmering in the fire light. The cold cup met the palm of Cassian’s hands. Slowly, he lifted it but stopped right before it met his lips.

“Well?” The Ritual Master questioned. “Drink, my son.”

Cassian lowered the cup, holding it firmly in his hands. “Our Grace has made us all cowards.”

Cassian turned to the fire, staring up into Her eyes. Her gaze burned into him, reading his heart and soul.

The crow’s blood splattered into the fire, hissing within the flames.

“What are you doing, Cassian?” The Ritual Master hollered. He took Cassian’s shoulders and spun him around. “You foolish boy!”

A stirring rustled within the trees of the forest line. From beyond the courtyard, stars were shadowed by a wall of wings sailing above the manor, leaving the treetops empty.

“What will you do without your precious Border of Feathers?” Cassian’s voice exchanged the coldness spoken to him for many years onto the Ritual Master.

The community scattered, escaping the courtyard into the night, or desperately finding a way into the manor. The damned could smell the cooking of blood from within their forests. Without the crows to halt their advance, the community was no longer safe from what lurked beyond the trees.

“You damned boy!” The Ritual Master screamed.

He reached into his robe for his dagger. Before he could advance towards Cassian, a pale figure flashed past him, hurling itself onto him. Its bones protruded from its pale flesh.

The Ritual Master used his arms to block the attack of the damned creature, but its teeth gnawed into his arm, ripping the flesh right from his bone. Cassian savored the sight. He learned to never look away from the show the damned put on for him.Flesh tore and blood splattered into the fresh grass of the courtyard. The unfortunate members that could not escape the attack became the meal of the damned. It had been ages since they tasted pure blood.

The fire still flickered, casting shadows of distortion onto Her Grace. A silence was held between the two, but her gaze never fixed away from him.